Perhaps people perceive MTV’s intentions as purely profit driven, but the show is honest. Sometimes I forget how prudish Americans can be, and then moments like this happen. Why are we so afraid of the truth without a happy ending?

Before commenting on this show I committed to watching the first two episodes. The truth is, I could see bits of me in some of the characters. I could see old classmates. It’s like someone is blasting our dirty laundry and everyone is embarrassed to see the skid marks. I think what’s worse is that there’s such a focus on the sexual aspects of the show when there are so many more areas of concern including family, education, self-awareness. All of these are real issues that teens face daily. We spend ample time creating programs to help teens through all of these situations. Is it not a hypocritical slap in the face to say this program is wrong, as if these problems do not exist.

I didn’t go to a “bad” high school or live in a “bad” neighbourhood growing up, but I could not escape any of these experiences. I knew people who did drugs, sold drugs, and ran from drug dealers. I had friends who had very personal struggles with their sexuality and others who used sex to substantiate their existence. I remember the suicides from people who could not handle the truth behind their family lives and chose to run from it all. While MTV may not have pursued this program for these reasons, we would be naïve to shudder it from the world and teens as if embarrassed by its truth.

Why are people so afraid to say no? In the last month multiple people have said yes to me when they really meant no. The no eventually comes, but it’s always after I’ve prepared myself for yes.

I’ve decided that no is much less disappointing without yes as its predecessor. While most of us hate to be the bearers of bad news, we should all agree that we hate the moment when someone cancels, backs out, or simply doesn’t show up.

The second most frustrating no demon is the silent one. It might even be more annoying than the first. We all know it as avoidance. Instead of saying no we say nothing at all. Nothing is not better. It leaves people to create their own “reasons,” which in women is a particularly bad combination.

Today should be the “Official No Day.” Instead of pretending we miraculously missed that one text message or coming up with an exit strategy like a suddenly sick dog, we’ll simply say no.

In that moment I considered the garden back at my childhood home. Today it is completely flat, but it once thrived. I’m always surprised by cynics, when nature itself is so optimistic. The universe consists of a constant series of beginnings and endings, persisting without question. I figure, if the universe can be so certain of such a daunting task, how can we be so pessimistic about the basic challenge of being true to our dreams.

As I lay in meditation when it was all over, I wondered what part of my life was bringing me such pain. This week I will focus on holding the positive energy close like I hold my money and releasing negative energy like ashes thrown into the sea.

Somehow amidst the blur they themselves were seeing only each other and their eyes fully committed. They pulled you and stretched your limbs to embrace their beauty. Somehow they had found each other. Somewhere beneath the musk of homelessness, takeout, after-gym stench, and street-purchased cologne, they found each other. They embraced and with a single kiss they exited completely unaffected by how they had drawn me closer and created my addiction to love.

They left me wondering, is it possible to love life, someone, or something too much, too deeply?

Metro News - "A taxi driver went home from Bellevue hospital yesterday after a drunken passenger allegedly asked if he was Muslim before slashing his face, neck and shoulders with a pocket knife. "

My first foray into an American school lingers in my mind like the aftershock of a fresh breakup. I stepped into a world where my mere presence reeked of foreign spices and unfamiliarity. The hairs on my arms rose with each stare of dozens of little eyes wondering why I was hiding from the world, cloaked in pastel from head to toe. As I lingered in this world I lost myself amidst piles of books hoping their weight would mask the sounds of jeering children mocking my attire and demure personality. The first day of school was my first opportunity to experience how ignorance, unfamiliarity, and fear can affect even the most unexpected victims.

In the moment my response was to hide and accept that being myself was an anomalie and it justified this response. It wasn’t until high school that I began to accept my culture, religion, name, and myself. This acceptance encouraged me to address all encounters of fear through patience and education. Instead of fighting fear with anger I fought it with smiles. To this day, people wonder how I can smile so much, I guess the answer is, “practice makes perfect.” In any case, by embracing these people and welcoming them into my world I eliminated many instances of misunderstanding that occurred in the past. In most instances this was all it took.

What the world is experiencing today requires much more than a smile, but my question lingers, “how many battles do we have to fight?” Every person I’ve met in the last month has asked my opinion on the mosque being built near ground zero. Each time I hear the question, it implies that all Muslims are terrorists. Despite the many horrific acts by other religious groups, Muslims have become international mortal enemies. it is to the point that there are people who truly believe that we are all killers.

Based on the incidents of the last few years, I understand why there is concern, but I am terrified that the precedent being set in this instance could justify similar, unconstitutional, prejudiced battles in the future. There has to be a place where we draw a line, a common sense line, a less fearful line, a line that says “draw– the battle is over.” In the end, why are we choosing this battle when there are so many other battles worth fighting? If we are truly afraid of or saddened by something we should channel those emotions to create  solutions instead of perpetuating the issue.

I am saddened by poverty, lack of resources, poor health, and waste. I challenge this fear daily by taking small steps, winning small battles. Today I convinced someone to do a cancer walk with me to raise money towards breast cancer, I cried after finding out my best friend’s little sister has a brain tumor, and I rejoiced in knowing that another friend is slowly recovering from a horrific battle with cancer. I can’t prevent cancer, and I can’t make my dad’s prostate cancer-free, but I can let go of my fear and take small steps in educating myself, supporting those I love, and smiling. I’m choosing to fight for love instead of fear, after all we must pick our battles.

If asked, my sister would describe me as someone who has a “heightened sense of self and unusual levels of confidence.”  To her I respond with a quote from Sakyong Mipham, “Within my body I have this incredible confidence – contentment, joy, equanimity, and wisdom.” It is with these tools that I lead my life completely.

I started this week anxious and nervous for no reason. I couldn’t figure out why I felt this way, but I have re-directed my focus. I also started reading a book recommended to me by a friend called Ruling Your World. The first time I tried reading it I couldn’t focus. I was constantly distracted and eventually gave up. I accepted that your mindset is really important to accomplishing any task.

Ramadan is into the second week and I am feeling great. This time of year reminds me of the importance of helping others and appreciating life. Today I put it all in perspective and gave thanks.

I’ve been trying to figure out what it is about these places I miss so much, and I can’t. I guess I’m still trying to find those places here. So far, I’ve only allowed myself to get lost in school and/or work. I’m just not sure when my passion died. I almost feel like the tenacity I once had faded away. My biggest fear is complacency and somehow over the last few months I’ve found myself feeling like I’m not doing enough.

On the flip side, I can’t spend too much time crying over spilled milk. I’ve decided to start playing Clarinet again. I started going to yoga and I think it’s bringing me some of the peace I miss from my special places. I’m now thinking that this NYC thing is growing on me. Perhaps all I need to do is try harder.

I’ve also tried dating again. I feel like it’s been a long time and I don’t really know how, but I’m trying. I’m not very good at dating multiple people at one time. I have no idea how people do it. I guess it’s more efficient, but I can’t. One thing is for sure, I’m actually ready for and open to a real relationship for the first time in years. I’m excited for the next days, weeks, and year.